我要快乐？

张惠妹 - 我要快乐？

又被爱伤了一遍 无所谓当作成长
刚刚走开的人 烟还点着味道却淡了
我并不是天生爱寂寞 却比任何人都多 就算把世界给我 我还是一无所有
我要快乐 我要能睡的安稳
有些人 不抱了才温暖 离开了才不恨 我早应该割舍
我要快乐 哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的 全都是假的 只有眼泪是真的
把从前想了一遍 谢谢了 伤我的人
想做乐观的人 每种雨声 听了都不冷
我并不是天生爱寂寞 却比任何人都多 就算把世界给我 我还是一无所有
我要快乐 我要能睡的安稳
有些人 不抱了才温暖 离开了才不恨 我早应该割舍
我要快乐 哪怕笑的再大声 心不是热的 全都是假的
我的决定是对的

我昨晚想了很久。。。 我已经不是以前的我了。不知道从什么时候我已经变成另外一个人了，连我自己也快要不认得了。

以前那个直爽的我跑到哪里去了？那个不高兴时会直接说出来的 sharon 为什么现在得要违背良心，不高兴还要装没事呢？

why must i act as if i nothing happen when actually i am very angry?

why cant i be the unreasonable person and start to scold or scream at the people that i dont like or when people are doing or saying things that i simply dont like!!!???

why should i be bother if they are going to get hurt or not when they dont even bother if i will be upset or not???

and why should i be bothered if my action will affect that friendship!!!??? i believe true friends should understand each other right?

感觉上我好像没什么朋友。。。 而且我也不知道谁是真心把我当朋友看待。。。 他们是在利用我吗？还是因为刚好寂寞想找个人陪？ 我常常告诉我自己，不要把朋情看的太重，但我又不想这么假的过日子，而且我相信有些人是真心想跟你做朋友的。。。 很矛盾吧。。。 who are my friends? i am puzzled now...

and to certain extent... i think i am sick... my objective of studying is no longer not to disappoint my teachers and parents but to prove those people who look down on me that i can do it... what an unhealthy way to motivate yourself to study right? especially those who think too highly of themselves... they just wait and see... even if i am not very successful... i doubt u can be any better than me...

haiz... i dont know what should i do... maybe i should just give up... wadever... and "really thanks" for spoiling my mood... maybe that's a good way to study for my soci mock exam tomorrow...
individuals are puppets in the society... we dont have choice to do what we actually want to do, society will decide for us... ...